Sunday, May 20, 2012

Getting Out of My Own Way

Just an observation... after a pretty intense week, with the incredible Generation Hope meet-up, followed by the devastation caused by the death of a little seven year old patient, Molly, and and a fair amount of fury at another smack-down with my specialty pharmacy company (who failed to deliver medication as scheduled AGAIN), I had reached my limit. I was starting to get a little irrational, as evidenced by my very very short fuse with all things annoying. My Irish temper was rearing its head and I could not decide between curling up in a ball and crying, or hitting something.

And then, I stepped away from it all for the weekend.

It wasn't exactly intentional to do so, in fact it had all been scheduled out before this shit hit the fan, but I took a break from all things PH (except my meds, of course!) After the Saturday run-around with my son, consisting of t-ball practice and a friend's birthday party, I threw my hubby a surprise birthday party on Saturday afternoon and spent today (Sunday) building a beautiful memorial garden for a dear friend who lost her baby girl last fall.

It's just dawned on me that this is the first time in a long time I haven't been focused on advocating for PH. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do. I am so incredibly honored that I even get to do it at all. But when I am advocating for PH, fighting for better care for patients and myself, reading about all the pain this disease causes and trying to help where I can... well, it can wear you down.

I'm not complaining. But I do think I'm having an epiphany of sorts. It's true - you can only care for others if you are caring for yourself.

It just felt good to dedicate a weekend to something else. Maybe I should do that intentionally a little more often.


  1. I think I'm so PH-focused during the week, when I host chat and go to chats almost every night. Plus, reading about my phriends in PH Family, and mentoring (if I have a mentee). You can become so lost in just that. It's good to get a break from it and just do what you love, or do something different. I think that's why I don't do much PH stuff on the weekends. I love my phriends and helping others, but even I feel the need to just do my own thing!

  2. You are wise, Colleen the First. :) I think I need to more mindfully step away for short periods of time too. Hugs.